hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
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we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
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someone needs to name a hurricane after you
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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