dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
