ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Randomize