WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
