you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
i will never coherently bang her
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
