Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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