shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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