pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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