I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
