Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
