He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
