just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
