let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
