I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
