Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
