I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
