That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
