all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
