i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
In other news, I just burned my penis
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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