It was confusing and full of hummus
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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