boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
