Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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