Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
