dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
