Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
