O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
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Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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