Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
