the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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