Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
