Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
