I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
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