I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
