Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
