Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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