i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
