I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
