I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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