it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
