You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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