Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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