it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
