what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
