im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
