But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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