I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
