i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
