R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
