Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
