i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Just puked most of my soul out..
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