when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
