Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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