A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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