i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
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