Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
