I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
