they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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