Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
