There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
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