I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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