i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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