By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
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