Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
