im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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