Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
