Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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