it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Randomize
