we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
