You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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