my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
